• I am spectacular
• I am spectacular
• I am spectacular
• I am spectacular
• I am spectacular

The word “spectacular” has been stuck in my brain all day as I pondered the seeming redundancy of its meaning. “Spectate” means to watch, and “ocular” is relating to the eyes. So, does spectacular mean watching the eyes or having double-vision? No, it means “large-scale display.” I’ve spent my whole life shrinking back, withdrawing, and playing small. Other kids put me down when I was younger, as young kids tend to do, but it wasn’t long before others didn’t need to say anything at all. I expected to be rejected and did my best to remain invisible to prevent giving anyone fodder for making fun of me. My height, at 5’11”, already ensures I stand out. My ADHD causes me to seem like a goofball space cadet. My singing and dancing in public spaces as though no one is watching makes my sanity suspect. These are the negative ways I’ve learned to view my individuality. To be spectacular, however, requires me to allow myself to be seen. A large-scale display can be seen; that’s kind of the point.