Why is there so much shame associated with suicide? Everyone dies at some point anyway. You’d think that in a culture that is so obsessed with freedom, individuality, and personal power, that choosing when, where, and how you want to die would be hailed as the ultimate option. Maybe the shaming is a preventative measure. If committing suicide were seen as permissible, way more people would be opting out and our entire economy would collapse. Maybe it’s our selfish tendencies that cause us to prevent death at all costs because we don’t want to lose someone we love regardless of how much pain they’re in. It’s not selfish to tire of fighting to stay alive; it’s selfish to expect others to live in order to stall our own grief. As someone who has struggled with depression my entire life, I know how much it hurts. It deeply, painfully, physically hurts. And there’s not always a cure. I’m trying. I’m still doing everything I can to heal my brain as much as possible: medication, supplements, meditation, therapy, diet and exercise, and, most importantly, trying like heck to develop a supportive community. I’ve survived this far only by the grace of God and my strong desire to be there for my kids. My girls need their mom for now, and that’s enough to keep me fighting. But if it ever gets to be too much, if the pain becomes more than I can bare, then I want to be able to die with dignity. I want to choose how, when, and where if death doesn’t come unexpectedly before then. I want to be able to say good-bye without fear and without shame. I don’t want to hide it. My brain is damaged, and it causes me tremendous amounts of pain. It could kill me someday, but I don’t have to live or die alone just because I’m hurting.