Where did I go, and how do I get back to me? There is no way “back” to my true self. She’s been here with me the whole time. I’ve just turned my back on her because that’s what was modeled for me. Everyone else turned their backs on me, and they turned their backs on themselves. The true self isn’t acceptable. The true self is too vulnerable to pain. I need to pay attention to what everyone else wants from me, who everyone else wants me to be. Then, I pretend to be what everyone else wants. I pretend to be cool. I pretend to be successful. I pretend to be smart, and I pretend to be strong. I just really suck at pretending. I’m not successful, and I’m not cool, not by anyone else’s standards anyway. I’m a weirdo. I’m a loser. The real me isn’t smart or strong or even as sweet and silly as I often think I am. The real me is scared and hiding under the couch while the fake me sits still, faking a smile.