What is so wrong with me that I’m not able to accept myself just as I am? Well, I’m not a fun person to hang out with. I get it, and it’s okay, I guess. I don’t have to be the life of the party; I just want to get invited. My ex-husband is the fun parent. He takes the party with him wherever he goes. He’s nearly a decade older than me, and he still runs like the Energizer bunny. It’s so not fair. I’m super jealous. I’ve always been a low-energy person. I have chronic pain, chronic illness, and chronic fatigue. Sometimes, I have an all-out rage at God for making me this way. Sometimes, I sink into depression; and sometimes, I even get suicidal. But I’m still alive, and, to quote the distinguished philosopher Alanis Morissette, “And I’m here, to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It’s not fair to deny me of the cross I bear that you gave to me.” I know my life is a mess. I also realize that it’s beyond time for me to come back into my life, clean it up a little, and to quit blaming the people who initially left me and started the whirlwind of messiness in my life in the first place. It might not always be fun but living my life and taking responsibility for what I do with my life today is always worth the price of admission.

*You Oughta Know from Jagged Little Pill (1995)