Why not me? I made a decision in the fall of ’05 that shifted my life forever. It was a small shift. All I did was take the car keys out of my pocket and drop them in my lap instead of sticking them into the ignition. The time I spent holding those keys, weighing my options, was the pivot between life and death for me. The car was parked in my mother’s closed-up garage. All I had to do was turn the key to spark the starter, and the battle would be over. I wouldn’t have to be on the receiving end of every joke. I wouldn’t have to be daily reminded of what a loser I was, what a horrible person I was, what a terrible mother I was. All I had to do was turn the key, and I could quit fighting. It was no use to keep fighting. I couldn’t do anything right. I couldn’t make anything good happen in my life. Every year was just another 365 days of hell that I couldn’t escape, that I was powerless to change, that I had no ability to improve. The only decision I made on that day was that I wasn’t going to give up. I didn’t care how much it cost me or how much more pain I had to endure, I would survive another torturous day until God finally had enough grace to put me out of my misery and take home. I committed to doing whatever I could to survive, to be there for my girls, and, hopefully, to eventually do something right to help someone else. So, it doesn’t matter whether I ever achieve my vision or reach my dream; I’ll keep fighting to take another baby step at a time. I’ll either accomplish the work I have to do, or I’ll die trying.