I’ve been so lost for so much of my life that every step I manage to take forward still feels as though it’s taking me in the wrong direction. I’m trying to get home, to start over, but there’s another roadblock each day. If it’s not the disappointment of another person changing plans at the last minute or having to deal with someone else’s mistakes, it’s coming down with a cold again or getting a flat tire. I’m not asking for life to be all roses with no thorns; I just want to quit bleeding before my next injury. Is that really too much to ask? Maybe it’s unrealistic to expect the good things in life to out-weight the struggles, but it sure would be a nice change. I’ve heard that whatever you focus on gets magnified in your perception, so I’m trying to concentrate on what I appreciate and what I’m grateful for. But, when the shitstorm is raging, it’s hard to see anything good through the splatters. Therefore, I pray and I wait for the storm to pass. I cry, and I eat a lot of chocolate as I promise myself to do better once I feel better. Usually though, I have to start to do better before I begin to feel better. It often begins with reaching out to a fellow for me to be reminded that I’m the one who’s responsible for owning my life. I can improve my circumstances if I want to badly enough to do something about it.