Growing up, I was never really taught how to do anything, except for how to kneed bread, which is an utterly useless skill when you have no desire to make bread. I also remember my maternal grandfather trying to teach me how to hold a pencil correctly. It didn’t take. My sisters tried teaching me how to snap my fingers. No such luck there either. I learned how to read and write and how to do math, including long division, at school. What I learned at home was mostly how to do what I was told without speaking up for myself and how to stay out of the way so I wouldn’t cause any problems. What I learned about love was how it masquerades as loss, worry, deception, and fear. The people who say they love you don’t actually care about you. They don’t encourage you to succeed in your areas of interest, only in what interests them. They don’t listen, they don’t empathize, and God forbid you ever expect them to give you the time of day when they’re busy doing something else, which is always. Therefore, I grew up believing that love was willing compliance to a set of arbitrary rules and surrendering my own voice, thoughts, and opinions to those of everyone else. However, what I learned was wrong. Blind submission is not love; it’s a sickness. Love is what Jesus models throughout the gospels. Love is stopping what you’re doing to pay attention to someone else. Love is having compassion on those who are grieving or infirm instead of judging them or brushing them aside. Love is asking what the other wants, not merely insisting on having your own way. Love is also paying attention, having compassion, and asking for clarity in regard to yourself. Self-love is the most important skill we need to learn, for once we learn to love ourselves, then it’s much easier to love others as well.