I lived in the realm of self-reliance. Everything was up to me, and I couldn’t do anything right, or even good enough. So, all I could do was give up and helplessly accept whatever fate dealt me. I tried to do better. I tried to be better. I tried so hard my trier broke. I gave up. I just couldn’t do it. What I didn’t realize at the time was the difference between giving up because life was going to be a mess regardless of my efforts and giving up because I was trusting life to be good without my constant striving. The former was all I knew, all I had ever experienced. The latter, I learned was possible as I began intentionally changing my engrained beliefs and perpetual perceptions. My early years were filled with rejection, humiliation, and abandonment, so those were programmed into my brain as far as what to expect in life. Once I became aware of what my expectations were, it became my responsibility to change them. I didn’t want to continue to only expect to receive pain. I wanted to learn how to expect to receive love, care, and support from others. It’s still a struggle, but I am learning. I am healing. I am beginning to expect a better outcome in my life despite all of the evidence to the contrary.