From the way you didn’t care for me, I learned not to care for myself. From the ways in which you put me down, I learned to put myself down. From the ways you didn’t show up for me, I learned to lower my expectations of others. From the ways in which you betrayed my trust, I learned not to trust others. From the trauma you inflicted, I learned to inflict trauma upon others and upon myself. I know no other way. So, I must make it my priority to learn another way now, and in learning a new way to be, I must also be willing to let go of the identity of who I was. No one wants to be a loser, a victim, or a slave, but to be one is better than to be nothing. I tighten my grip upon the identity I don’t want to claim because I don’t know who I would be without it. I’m not a winner. I’m not lucky. I’m not privileged. Most of the time, I’m not even free to make my own decisions about what to do because I’m so thoroughly tossed to and fro by the circumstances of my base survival. What I can choose is to grieve the identity of who I was taught to be. I can let my old self die away and take another step toward the person I want to become. I don’t need to be a winner, lucky, or privileged. I can start by simply being kind, caring, and compassionate instead of striving toward an arbitrary goal of perfection or even the nebulous promise of something better.