I am a helper. I want to do everything for everyone. I give and give and give, and everyone else takes me for granted and fails to respond with any appreciation for all of my sacrifice. They take advantage of me and my generosity. No one seems to understand that I have needs too and that they need to meet my needs as reciprocation for everything I do for them. I slide into anger and feel a desperate need to control everything around me when my needs are not getting met. How do I escape this continuous pattern of everyone else disrespecting me, not appreciating me, and throwing all their garbage in my face as if I’ve done something wrong? I don’t get it. All I do is help and get treated like crap in return. What more could I possibly do?

You can stop. Hit the pause button and get still with yourself. Where does this need for approval come from? What motivates you to do so much for other people who may not need or want your help? Do your gifts come with strings attached (I’ll do this for you so you will do this for me)? Does your helping prevent others from doing things for themselves? Are they really so incapable? How does your continually stepping in to do something for them make them feel? Have you ever asked? Do you care? Are you entitled to help and to give just to make everyone else obligated to thank you, to fawn over you with gratitude and praise? What are your real motives? Are you the only one who’s good enough to do it right? Are you trying to make up for past feelings of guilt? Are you giving in order to ease your own shame of being a flawed human being? Learn to love and accept yourself just as you are and you won’t need to get into such power struggles by using your current pattern: trying to earn love through helping and giving too much.