My pattern in love is continually experiencing abandonment. Other people keep leaving me and not showing up for me. I developed this pattern by internalizing a few critical experiences of abandonment in the past. I have been the source of perpetuating this pattern by not fully appreciating the people who did show up for me at other times in my life. I have also ensured the continuation of this pattern by not expressing what my wants and needs are. I have allowed my fear to keep me silent. If I ask for what I want or need, I might be shamed for having them. I already feel shame for having wants and needs. I should be independent and self-sufficient and not be a burden. I grew up feeling like a burden, not like I was valued. But I so desperately need to feel valued that I will do whatever it takes to prove that I have worth and value, which ultimately backfires and only serves to demonstrate to other people how little value I have for myself. Therefore, I need to learn how to value myself without devaluing others. I need to practice expressing my wants and needs instead of remaining silent and keeping them hidden. I need to begin to believe that other people will show up for me if I give them the opportunity to do so and that not everyone will abandon me, especially if I first refuse to abandon myself.