What is the difference between honoring my feelings and indulging my feelings? I think it comes down to who is in control. I have four children. I do my best to honor them as the special, unique, individual persons that they are. I treat them with respect. I listen to what they have to tell me, even when I don’t understand a word they say because they’re talking about something for which I have zero frame of reference. There’s an unconditional level of acceptance. I don’t try to force them to be who I want them to be. I love them just as they are, even when I don’t particularly approve of their behavior or share their varied interests.

However, I also do my best not to cater to them. I don’t give them whatever they want just because they want it. They do not get to make decisions for things over which I am responsible. My kids are the best part of my life, but they don’t run my life. I don’t bend over backward to placate their desires nor to remove obstacles from their life journey; they need to have the freedom to pursue their own passions and the opportunity to overcome their own challenges.

If I have the ability to take a step a back, to view my feelings as separate from myself instead of as an extension of myself, then maybe it will be easier for me to listen to the messages they need to communicate to me without letting them take over my thinking or dictate my behavior. It’s possible for me to accept my feelings as they are, learn from them, sit with them for a time, and allow them to be expressed through my body. But, I am responsible for choosing how they get expressed. I can’t always choose which feelings arise, but I can choose what to do with them. I guess that’s where the difference lies. Do I defer to my feelings and let them run the show, or do I listen, learn, and respond to my feelings with the same level of compassionate care as I do with those whom I love?