There were too many reasons for me to stay. I had to leave. I knew I had to leave. I thought it would kill me to leave, but I knew it would kill me to stay. I was in an abusive marriage, but I didn’t know that it was abusive. He didn’t hit me or kick me with his hands or feet. He manipulated me and controlled me with his words and emotional outbursts. I lived in constant fear and powerlessness. I was expected to live up to an impossible ideal and failed miserably. I didn’t know that his expectations were impossible to achieve; I just thought that I was a failure. Since our divorce, I’ve read multiple scientific studies about how mental and emotional abuse cause as much pain in the brain as physical harm, and they cause more devastating, lasting destruction. The body heals physically much more rapidly than it does psychically. Still, I wasn’t able to leave. Even after ending up in the hospital for a week, I still wasn’t able to leave. It wasn’t until he filed for divorce that the veneer of our marriage cracked enough for me to slip through. Twenty years later, I’m still healing. But, I am healing.