If you get nothing else from reading this blog, digest this next sentence, take it in, internalize it, and allow it to reshape your perception of your life. “Your definition of love defines you.” I recently read a similar quote in a book by Richard Rohr entitled, “Yes, And…” He states it differently, but the idea behind the phrase is the same. The ways in which we see ourselves and the world around us will determine how we interact with the content of our lives. If everything is constantly happening to us, we will be reacting from a place of helplessness and victimization. If life is happening for us, we can make the most of every opportunity and optimize our lives.

What does this perception have to do with our definition of love? Simply put, our definition of love determines what we think we deserve and what we think other people deserve, too. Love is the lens through which our spiritual vision sees. Some of our lenses are warped by severe trauma. Others are born with misshapen lenses due to a genetic component of generational trauma, whether such trauma is encountered through a systemic category such as living through The Great Depression or a personal trauma such as having a parent who committed suicide. We inherit these experiences through our epigenetics, even when we have no personal knowledge of their occurrence.