The 12-Step recovery movement has coined many useful phrases and aphorisms. However, there is one familiar slogan I would like to abolish: fake it till you make it. Those of us who have struggled through the throws of addiction know firsthand the harmful consequences of our dishonesty. The intention behind the phrase might be innocent enough; the wording isn’t. The word fake literally means not genuine, a forgery, sham, or a counterfeit. Personally, there is not a single part of my life that I want to allow to continue as a disingenuous projection. Authenticity, vulnerability, and radical honesty are my central aim.

So, instead of “fake it till you make it,” I recommend utilizing the phrase “act as if.” The word act means to do something, behave in a specific way, a deed, or to have a particular effect. As a recovering addict, it’s important for me to take responsibility for my behaviors and to pay attention to the effects that my behaviors are having on those around me. My brain wants to react to perceived threats automatically, without wasting any precious time for escape on things such as evaluating the situation or considering the feelings of others. In order to override my autonomic nervous system, I need to teach my body to slow down, to practice safety inducing exercises, and to remind myself that I do have the ability to choose how to behave. I am able to act as if I am safe. I can act as if I am loved. I do act as if I am responsible for my behaviors because these things are all true. I am safe. I am loved. I am responsible, even when I don’t particularly feel like it.