I don’t want to integrate 8-year-old Christie or 18-year-old Christie, 22-year-old Christie or 32-year-old Christie because I don’t want to go back to re-experience her pain. I want to leave the past behind me, to cut it off and move forward as Cee Marie, as a whole new person who wasn’t left behind or betrayed. I want to set my past ablaze in a heaping bonfire and simply walk away, but I can’t escape it no matter how hard I try. Every prior version of me still resides within me, still lingers in the cells of my being. Just like the rings in the trunk of a tree, my past selves form the core of who I am. They serve as proof of the dry seasons when my soul received little nurturance, and they bear witness to the storms my spirit has endured. Now, I need to be strong enough to go back and revisit them, to wrap my arms around my younger self, kiss her head, and run my fingers through her hair, even if it requires me to acknowledge her pain. I have to be willing to love her through the times when no one else was there for her. It’s the only way to bring healing into my present reality. It’s my responsibility to love her and to tell her that everything will be okay because I’m the only one who can. And, it’s really all she’s ever wanted.